How to Make a Garden

November 18, 2014 by aaronpika Leave a comment

Let’s pretend it’s Summer.

Sunshine is resting warmly on your lap. It’s Summer, or a month that isn’t winter. You go for a walk and look around you. Flowers are blooming in morning’s dew, and bumblebees are parading amongst the flowers. The buzzing of the bees is almost speaking to you. “Zzz Start A Garden Zzz,” you hear in your ear. You can almost make out a derogatory slur from the mouth of one bee, spewing out like honey, “Zzz Hey fat ass! Zzz, Get off your lazy ass and go do something productive! Zzz.”

Call it brainwashing, or call it Mother Nature entrusting you with a task; nevertheless, the task is a quite easy one, and with pleasant rewards too: you will be promoting the up-spring of new life by sowing seeds, and thus nurturing your own life in the process.

What Mother Nature probably forgot to mention is this: STARTING A GARDEN IS EASY, BREEZY, COVERGIRL (or Coverboy)…

Coverboy — gardening issue.

(image courtesy of justcharlieboy via ink361.com)

So how easy? Here are only 4 STEPS to making a garden:

1. Location: where should my garden go?

Location is pretty damn important. Would you rather be at school working or at home playing video games? One location is clearly more desirable than the other! Likewise, location is everything to plants. One must be cautious of sun exposure to plants at a certain spot in the garden, and also be aware of the location’s access to water and soil content.

According to about.com, “Soil is arguably the most important component in a successful garden.” Soil contains nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium: “The three primary nutrients used by plants.” In human terms, that’s equivalent to eating your veggies, fruits, and meats, all for good health.

Finally, make sure your plot is weed-free! If you ARE growing weed, then maybe weeding isn’t necessary. But for those indulging in law-abiding gardening practices, ridding the weeds and other useless foliage from your plot allows your future plants to have room and plenty of nutrients to grow.

The necessary process of getting your hands dirty!

(image courtesy of backyardsmadebetter.com)

2. Design: How will my garden look?

A garden put together spontaneously and at random will only by some miracle, once grown, present a cohesiveness. There are certain design elements to a garden that must be implemented in order to achieve this cohesiveness — this “appealing” factor.

There is a fine line between the words appealing and appalling.

Appealing is this:

A garden with a great deal of garden design

(image courtesy of thegallopinggardener)

Appalling is this:

Appalling gardens commonly have out of place constructions such as this

(image courtesy of gardening-forums.com)

Crucial in beginning a garden is choosing what assortment of plant types you are growing together. You might be influenced by a flower’s color of bloom, or a combination of plants based on their complementing color schemes. But designing your garden isn’t as easy as “PURPLE PLANT GOES THERE CUZ IT’S PRETTY THERE” or “I WILL PUT A RED PLANT OVER THERE WITH THE YELLOW ONES CUZ IT REMINDS ME OF THE MCDONALDS LOGO.?

No, each plant is a picky little bastard. Remember my earlier posts (here and here) about the importance of determining what the hell a seed packet is trying to say exactly? Each plant is unique and requires picky particulars. Even more complex, plants can also be placed in various categories with very specific characteristics, such as…

Drought-tolerant Plants
Low-maintenance Plants
Shade Plants
Even plants that willingly choose not to end up in a deer’s feces; Deer-Resistant Plants!

Deer eating plants that are CLEARLY not Deer-resistant Plants

These plants are CLEARLY not Deer-resistant Plants.

(image courtesy of James Warwick/The Image bank/Getty Images, via about.com)

KNOW BEFOREHAND WHAT YOU ARE PUTTING (or bringing) INTO YOUR GARDEN!

3. Maintenance: How will I keep up my garden?

As mentioned before, weeding your garden is vital in maintaining your garden’s appearance and in securing proper plant growth. Weeds stunt plant growth by using water and soil nutrient for their own vitality, and weeds also attract unwanted pests that have an appetite as hefty as Saint Nick.
Pick ripe fruit as to prevent insects and rodents from making refuge in your garden

Picking a ripe strawberry from the garden

(image courtesy of mag.amazing-kids.org)

Similarly, remove any debris that find their way into your garden, which takes away from your garden’s appeal and can also attract more of those hungry insects.
Take occasional strolls through your yard, making sure to carry along shears to cut dying or decaying foliage and wilting flowers, or even hideously growing leaves like Phil the Unrooted and Unruly Leaf.